"... focusing on this idea of what it’s like to be me now,
I took my leave because it was absolutely necessary. There was no question about it, no doubt, no hesitancy or dismissal of the relevance of my life. It all came at me that quickly.
Once again, it was instantaneously that I knew I’d already been removed from the experience of me.
I felt the immediacy of something in me expanding - like a light was sparked and it was starting to grow into a flame and the flame was starting to grow into a fire and the fire was starting to grow beyond containment but it wasn’t in a devastating way.
It was amazing.
It was convoluting of self.
You know, when the flames are so high and the smoke gets so thick you can’t see where you’re standing, you can’t see two feet in front of you anymore?
You know you’ve just got to get down on your knees and surrender to it.
You’ve got to let go of thinking you’re going to make what you want to happen, happen. You’ve got to see where you are now to figure out what you’ve got to be next.
So, the flames that were expanding weren’t hot. They didn’t burn.
The clouds weren’t smoke.
It was ethereal energy and it was the light of me, mom.
The light of me expanding to the point where it clouded my vision of my idea of me as a human which, of course, is the best thing that can happen to you when you no longer need that idea of you to facilitate the experience of you.
Yeah, that came to me as quick as I’m saying it to you. It was like, wow, I don’t need that anymore. Then I realized, not even realized but just recognized, there was an awareness that what I was becoming aware of was the release of my physical identity.
It wasn’t even a concept of the body, mom.
It was all the idea of me.
I never felt any feeling of letting go of the body because I never felt like it was any part of the identity of me. It really was just a vehicle.
It was always the idea of me that kept me imprisoned in my identity.
It’s not imprisonment, it’s encampment maybe.
We settle in there. We’re not forced to stay there. We choose it.
I see it now - even the fears, even the doubts, even the insecurities.
A lot of the stuff, like you know, isn’t even ours. It’s stuff that we picked up along the way from other people – their ideas, their insecurities, their fears.
Some of it is part of the journey and some of it is just a nuisance.
Some of it is really there to ask us to search deeper for our truth.
I guess that’s where we are now, isn’t it?
What do I do here?
I’m still figuring out who I am here.
Maybe that’s what life’s all about anyway.
Not about what we’re doing but who we’re being and how we’re discovering who we are because of who we’re choosing to be.
Either way you look at it I don’t feel so different.
I don’t feel all-knowing.
I do feel I have a presence though.
I like that word because there’s a truth. I can be anywhere anytime. It’s not like I go anywhere.
I don’t have to go anywhere to be anywhere.
Can I say that? Your awareness of me shifts because of who you choose to be or what you choose to believe, I guess?
I’m figuring that out or feeling my way into it because as I do, we get clearer. Ha, I don’t just figure out me, I figure out you and I think that you don’t figure out just you but you have to figure out me too.
A Son channeled for his mom June 2020
via Laura Mirante